I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Randomize
