If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
