Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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