I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
