Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
