Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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