Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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