why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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