Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she told me i tasted like america
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
