Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
