Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
