My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
