So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Someone came in the potted fern
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
