If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Randomize
