Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
