don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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