you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
