So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
