I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
