I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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