That's when you crack a 10am beer
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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