Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
