glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
