remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
