my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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