Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize
