her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
