Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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