Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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