Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
