so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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