But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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