OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
