How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
