How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
