He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
