We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize