Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
