I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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