My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize