Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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