Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
