DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
