1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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