My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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