his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
