It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
