My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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