When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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