After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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