I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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