Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
