i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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