pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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