I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
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You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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