"it" just moved
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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