Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
