Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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