I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
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I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
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If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?