He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
