Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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