I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
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I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
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were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.