your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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