I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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