someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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