he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
