dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
