and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
