i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You can't special order awesome
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
