So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
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