My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
