Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
