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somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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