i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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