Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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