he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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