Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
