I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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