You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
