At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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