hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
