I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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