singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
farters have to be the big spoon...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It all started with a game of naked twister.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm always down for nudity.
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