Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
