oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
