Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize