Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
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