Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
